Time

sorry to you all who read this, life has been a little busy for me. well to update this whole time problem, well, the person who makes my life hell is still out of town, THANK GOD!  it is so much easier to breathe and be myself when she is not constantly here, pulling my back to the past. tomorrow is actually her birthday, the first one that i will not wish her, throw her a party, or attend in 12 years. weird, yeah i know, but if this is what it has come down to the so-be-it.

well on a lighter note these past few weeks since i have been home from europe have been stunning, i have eaten so much frozen yogurt i could explode, my first cinnabun was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC, thai basil was delicious, and just being at my pools. well who knows when i will see you next, but until then: FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY! and live your brand!

hello, i hate you. you make my life suck. just wanted to let you know. 

with fond regards, the person who used to be your best friend

sorry i have not updated in ages, to whoever reads this…

i have never realized what a great friend you have been. i was blinded in the past, but now i can see you are one of the best friends that i have and i never want to lose this. i love how we can hang out and never run out of things to say, jokes to tell, or fucking hysterical stories. this year has been a nightmare, and without you it would have been worse. you are a true friend to me. i know that you will always have my back and hopefully you know that i will always have yours. i just wanted to dedicate this post to you, the friend i wish to never lose. thank you for brightening my life and keeping me sane in shitty times. i am happy with what we have become as friends, and i hope that we will never lose what we have gained over this shit-tastic year. thank you for everything.  

you make me miserable, i just want you to feel the way i do everyday: like i did something wrong, i am too white trash, laugh too much, care too much, didnt listen well enough, didnt call enough, didnt make the effort to your friend, what did i do wrong? what did i do desirve this? i cannot understand and now, i am done.

do i not listen well enough, speak eloquent enough? what is it that seems to plauge me and this friendship that was once as indestructable as a brick wall, but now is just some loose association. tell me because if you won’t i am done, with this. it hurts me to say this but you are not my best friend or even a friend at all to me. we havenot spoken in over a month and that time period was the least dramatic and stress free month i have had since i cannot remember. the peace i feel not thinking about you and me keeps me sane, able to breathe even with a ton of bricks riding on my shoulders reminding me of what we used to be. i will admit it. i loved those days, they were fun and there was nothing to worry about or think about. your name on my tongue tastes bitter and the unmistakable taste of regret lingers on my pallet, reminding me of when. i am also not afraid to admit that i hate you, HATE with the passion that has not been aroused in me ever. the thoughts of you and our friend ship are like a long lost vessel floating at see un manned and drifting towards the cliffs jagged and near. who will save us? i have my half of the steering wheel grasped and am growing weary of driving this ship by myself. do you even want to know me any more? yes we are different people, i may have white trash tendences, but at least i can say that i am happy with who i have become and who i am. can you say the same thing? are you happy about losing me and gaining new friends? did you ever like being friends? at this point i look back and see you for what you truely are, a terrible friend and all together a terrible person. this, i know for a fact due to how you let friend ships, once strong and great friendships, die  and wither like they were never started in the beginning. is this what you want? is this what you need, space? if you needed some fucking space why the fuck did you not just fucking tell me, is it that hard to tell me that you need space instead of saying it with your actions, do you see how it hurts me, it tears me apart inside to have to endure this. this steaming pile of shit waved in front of my face. if i have ever ment anything to you you would or should have had the descency to tell me that you and i were different people with different priorities and lives to live. i would rather of had a clean break rather than a messy line of tears and rips along a fragile seem. i am not shocked at this, but mortified that it had to be played out like this. i can now say thank you for a great childhood and have a FUCKING fantastic life with yourself.